Slack. Slack. Slack.

Oops, it's been nearly 2 months since my last post :O How did that happen?? I wonder if I was holding back from posting on here because it was a bit of a painful reminder of my experience. I don't really know. No matter....Im back and I will try really really hard to not make it another two months before I post again!


So what has happened in the last two months? Not much really....I've been processing, grieving, living life... I have had some moments of sadness since I miscarried in August but thankfully I haven't been a snivelling wreck or anything. It is still sad to think about baby Baz leaving us. I really didn't want him/her to go. Obviously. It sucks that it happened. But it did. All I can do is honour those feelings of sadness and grief and look to the future when the reincarnation of baby Baz will hopefully join us again. I have also felt a few pangs of fear when I think about the possibility of miscarrying again. I think they are pretty normal fears though so Im doing my best to acknowledge them and move through the fear so that I can embrace any future pregnancy like I did my first.


Oh oh oh! I have a story. It goes under the heading "Reason number 59836252834653 to stay away from doctors during pregnancy". I had a dr's appointment booked so that I could get a piece of paper to "allow" me to get some blood tests done (I don't know my blood group and thought that might be useful and wanted to get tested for hep B so the midwife I have chosen doesnt need to worry about catching that particular disease from me - which she said wasn't necessary but hey they were going to suck my blood anyway). So I rock up to the dr's appointment ( I dont have a GP so I just see whoever is on) and this gum chewing, arrogant looking fucker invites me into his office. He asks why I'm there. I tell him I want to know my blood group and hep B status. He asks me why. I tell him that I am pregnant although almost 100% sure I am in the middle of a miscarriage. He tells me I have to have an ultrasound to confirm it. I tell him no I absolutely do not have to have an ultrasound. He asks me how else am I going to find out what's happening. I tell him that the large clots, cramping and the general feeling I have are some pretty fucking good indicators (actually I didnt say fucking but I wish I had!). He then asks me what's wrong with ultrasounds. I tell him I think they are invasive, potentially dangerous and at this point it would be completely unnecessary. He rudely tells me they are not invasive at all. (I'm 6.5 weeks pregnant which means at that point I would have been having a transvaginal ultrasound. That's right, a fucking probe shoved up my vagina. Noooo that's not invasive at all. Fucker. I would sooo love to shove a probe up his arse, or perhaps his penis, and see how invasive he thinks that is). So I tell him again, I think an ultrasound at this point would be very invasive and I wont do it. He berates me a little more, saying that women have ultrasounds all the time. I tell him I could bring in the research I have done regarding ultrasounds, how useless and uneccesary they often are etc etc but dont think there would be much point because he didn't sound like he was going to change his mind. He said "damn right" or something along those lines. I tell him I dont care what he thinks, Im not having one....full stop. So he tries a different angle. "Who do you think is going to see you during pregnancy if you haven't had an ultrasound??" he asks. I told him I already have a midwife booked, I will be having a homebirth and she doesnt require an ultrasound thank you very much. He grunts. Then says "that's how babies die". Tact anyone? Anyone? By that stage I was fucking ANGRY. Really fucking angry. I was in the middle of a miscarriage for fucks sake and he's telling me I'm going to kill my dead baby. Fucking wanker. I was that close to getting up and saying fuck you arsehole but for some reason I didn't. Bloody Inner Good Girl. I told him again I just wanted the piece of paper for the blood tests. He chews him gum loudly and finally gives up his abusive rant and prints it off. I just about run out of that room as fast as I possibly can. I rang up my partner and then a friend so that I can rant and rant and rant some more about how much of a fucker he was. Fuck me he was a fucker.


A week later I had finished my 2 page letter of complaint and handed it to the office manager of the doctors surgery. I waited 2 weeks and hadn't heard anything back so I rang the office manager. She informed me that she had given the letter to (you know what Im going to name the fucker - adelaide women, avoid this man like the plague!) Dr Martin Waters and had heard nothing back. She informed me that doctors in that surgery are employed in a similar manner to subcontractors and as such the practice has no power over them whatsoever. I slipped in my conversation to her that if I hadn't heard back from him in 2 weeks I would contact the AMA and make a complaint. Guess what buddy, your 2 weeks are up. I'm sure it wont change a thing but Im going to look into making an official complaint against him. He should absolutely NOT be around women, especially pregnant women, most especially women experiencing a miscarriage. He is truly an arrogant pig.


Buuuut anyway.....on to much happier matters! After my miscarriage I had a pretty normal menstrual cycle so I have chosen to get back on the horsie (so to speak ;)) and insprogulate again this month! Woot! That insprogulation was yesterday. So I could well be rapidly moving towards up the duffness as we speak! Or not...but I really hope so ;) I learnt a valuable lesson from my first insprogulation that proved to be very helpful this time round. I actually got into position, with my legs in the air, BEFORE the insprogulation commenced. This meant they didn't all ooze out as I wiggled and slithered into position. Genius, I know! Too Much Information? Perhaps....lol Rather than reading gay mags while I waited with my legs in the air I went with something a little more appropriate this time....birth notices from the local paper lol People call their kids some reeeeally weird names. Have a look sometime, it's quite funny....



About 14 odd hours after insprogulation I experienced the same strong cramps on my right side that I experienced the first time. Fingers crossed that's a positive thing! Other than that I just have to wait....and wait...and wait some more... I have decided this time that I probably wont be peeing on a stick to confirm pregnancy. I did it last time even though I knew full well I was pregnant. So this time Im just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. Trust my instincts. If my period is late there is a pretty good chance Im pregnant lol We shall see....All fingers, toes and pubic hair is crossed in anticipation. In fact some people have even gone so far as to plait their pubic hair in a show of support for my cause lol I shall keep youse all updated....


Oh and to the luffly people who offered their condolences and well wishes - I thank you all very much *kiss*. I have been a bit slack in responding to them and I feel a little guilty about that but please know they were very much appreciated. Oh and Kate, where the crap are ya!? lol I sooo keep meaning to get back to you and I haven't *blush* I am so slaaaaack!!!